


And this is you and me, and me and you, until we get nothing left.

by unhookingstarswithoutpermission



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Bloggers & Youtubers
Genre: Fluff, Happy Ending, Inspired by Fall Out Boy's songs, M/M, a little 2009 too, a little angsty, but everything ends up alright, sorry for my english tho, there is like a flashback
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 09:04:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3482417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unhookingstarswithoutpermission/pseuds/unhookingstarswithoutpermission
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Progress report: I'm missing you to death.”</p>
<p>Phil becomes so sad when 2009's memories come back to him, because he never quite understood why he and Dan broke up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And this is you and me, and me and you, until we get nothing left.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so proud of this, like, seriously, it's almost 1500 words long and it's so weird for me because I thought I couldn't write long things. But here we go.
> 
> The title is from Fall Out Boy's "Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying", the quote in the summary and the italics parts are from "I Slept With Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me".

_“I found the cure to growing older  
And you're the only place that feels like home” _

Phil misses 2009. Well, he maybe doesn't miss his way too long fringe or his boring life in Manchester; he also feels no regrets of his shitty camera or his constant need of finding a job. What he does miss is the way his relationship with Dan had slowly developed into something that made him feel so safe, that made the butterflies in his tummy fly frantically. At that point in their life they were in a warm cocoon of what one could call platonic love, Phil guessed. Well, what he felt for Dan sure wasn't platonic, but he didn't want to ruin such an amazing friendship for some feelings that may or may not be requited. He learned to deal with it, to hide it.   
The unresolved sexual tension spread between them slow and strong like a spider web, managing to connect them even more than before.

_“I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies and friends”_

It wasn't until Dan drank for the first time that they become a little more than friends. Dan wasn't in Manchester when it happened, he was in his birth place; he was drunk and missing Phil so much that his heart physically hurt, so he took his phone and just texted him. Phil doesn't even remember why was still awake at 3 am, but he was, and the texts he and Dan exchanged were embarrassingly ridiculous. It wasn't the way Dan thought to open his heart up to Phil, not with three hours by train between them and the impossibility to leave before next weekend.   
On the morning after, Dan crawled out of bed with a massive headache and no memories of the night before, thing that made Dan realize how much he was wasted. When he took his phone to text his usual “Good morning” to Phil, which maybe was worrying because Dan never woke up so late on school days, he found out the conversation they had the night before and, after reading it, the hangover was nothing compared to how sick he felt. So, instead of texting him a good morning, he wrote a simple “I'm sorry”, without any emoticons or punctuation.   
When Phil replied to him, Dan started grinning like an idiot and he ran downstairs screaming “Yes! Yes!” and he went hug his mom.

_From: Phil (2:03 pm)_  
Well, there's no need to be sorry... Just keep in mind that I deserve to kiss you the next time that we see each other. 

_From: Phil (2:05 pm)_  
What about you come over next weekend? I'm sure that if you explain the situation to your mom, she will let you come. 

_From: Phil (2:06 pm)_  
Oh, did I mention that my parents aren't home next week? * wink wink *

_“They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone  
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone”_

Phil wasn't, as anyone else seemed to think, always happy and smiling. Sure, he wasn't often sad and when he was he tried not to show it, because knowing that someone else was worrying about him would make him feel uncomfortable and guilty. Even when he was alone he tried to delete his sadness by ignoring his troubles, but that worked only for the moment, and he would be thinking about them anyway, and it would be ten times worse.   
What usually hurt him weren't the things that happened to him daily, because he was so used to the weirdness and the general unkindness of the world; what he thought about were those memories he wasn't able to erase from his mind, or he didn't want to, because they reminded him of how much he could love and care about a person, and they made feel him nostalgic but alive again. They lighted a little fire inside him, that was burning him alive from the inside out, but the only way to put it off was to reach for the same thing that made it start. And he couldn't do it because no matter how much he's hurt, he will always put Dan before himself.   
This time the memories are stronger and more insistent, though, and he can't just forget them. He can't avoid thinking about them, because they're always at the end of every hallway in his brain; even when he's doing something that doesn't involve him and Dan at all, those memories are just there like they're hunting him, and he can't help but let them wrap around him like a blanket that never gets warm enough to be comfortable.   
He gets sadder and Dan starts to notice, because he knows Phil better than he'll ever know himself, but he doesn't know what to do, how to help. Phil usually talks to Dan about everything that happens in his life; he's so not good at acting when something bothers or worries him, he's like an open book for anyone. So, Dan tries to do what makes him happy instead, hoping that he'll help Phil: even if he still feel a little weird, because their intimacy is long gone – at least for him, that never dares to start anything, sometimes even a simple hug – but if it makes Phil better, he will do anything. So Dan starts to do those little gestures that they were so used to before, again; every morning he'll pass his fingers through Phil's quiff to make it look like a fringe, every time they are watching animes or simply browsing the internet together he'll steal Phil's blanket to pull him in and make them a little closer without actually hugging him.   
He doesn't notice that it just makes Phil more nervous, because he like this thing that's going on between them way too much.

_“Progress report: I'm missing you to death.”_

It doesn't take too much for Phil to talk – after all, it was still Dan who he was going to talk to, and only a few others thing in the world make him feel as comfortable as being around Dan. He just can't take the weight of this all on himself, and he needs to at least understand. He needs to talk about it.   
He's not sure how to start this talk though, so he just decides to ask without wasting other time.   
“Dan” he calls, while he's sitting on the sofa and looking stoically to the turned off television in front of him.   
“Yeah?” Dan replies, entering the room, and Phil catches up a breath.   
He turns around. “I was just wondering a thing...” he stops for a moment and swallows, “Why did we break up?”   
Dan freezes, and for a moment Phil is sure that he will go back on his steps or that he will start screaming and make everything more difficult for both of them. But Dan just sighs sadly and walk up to him, and he sits on the sofa too.   
“Phil...” his voice is shaking, and he looks down to the floor and Phil feels again in 2009, when Dan was so shy that sometimes couldn't even look at him in the eyes. “I was so stupid.” Dan's whole body is shaking, too, and Phil catches his hands in his own and hold them thigh, instinctively. Dan looks up, surprised, and, from the moment he sees the pain in his watery brown eyes, Phil knows that he's going to forgive him. He has forgiven him a long time ago. “I thought that we were way too happy to last, and I didn't want to lose you, even though I lost a little bit of you anyway, so I just thought that it would be easier for us to just... to be just friends, you know.” They're both holding back tears, now. “I was so stupid, I always just refused to talk to you. I was scared.”  
“Dan, we could... we could start again. I'm not mad at you, I swear, and I'm not going to leave, too. We could just... pretend it's 2009 again. Just, in a better way.”   
And Dan doesn't even reply, he just launches himself in Phil's arms and he hugs him thight like he didn't in a long time, and he doesn't want to ever let go. Phil just closes his eyes and rests his chin on top of Dan's head, listening to the sound of their heart that are beating together, and maybe it was always like this and they just didn't ever notice.   
“Dan-” Dan's eyes meets Phil's, and they're so warm and it isn't even fair, because Phil's eyes are blue and they can't be warm, but they are, and Dan founds himself melting. “Can I kiss you?”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you've noticed any big mistake - I can't find a beta, so I'm quite helpless about it - and I don't know, if you liked it (?)  
> And also, do you think I should write in Italian too? I'm not sure about translating this one!


End file.
